DRAHOMÍRA WARGOVÁ: My never fading memory of visiting the Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland along with a recent trip to Berlin (August 2017), a book from Viktor E. Frankl (Man’s Search for Meaning) and many other films and literature which I absorbed as I was growing up, gave me the impulse to create the character of Drahomíra Wargová, a female photographer and concentration camp survivor. 

    Through her self portraits, she attempts to comprehend the darkness of her past, including the loss of her fiancé, and the search for her own meaning in the present and future.
     

    Name: Drahomíra Wargová
    Nationality: Czechoslovakia
    Date of Birth: 12.12.1923

    Age: 23
    Status: Single

    “I am not afraid of Darkness. Once you have accepted her, there is nothing to be afraid of. You can walk side by side with her and pretend to be friends. You will give her the attention she needs, she will give you the inspiration. But I can not call it a healthy relationship.”
    -drahomíra wargová






     

    In the moment of despair
    when your tears said goodbye to mine
    I felt fire on my chest
    while the coldness was eating my breath

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    I heard that deadly sound in the snow
    and I made the vow, do you know?

    the vow to be your bride
    with joy and pride

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    Dream about morning dew

    doesn’t let me sleep
    how far can I go
    how fast
    how deep

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    Ghost I see
    never whispers

    never walks
    only looking at me

    with understanding

     

    Fresh flowers, I promise
    you will always smell
    to protect your soul from hell

     

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    Everything is passing fast
    disappearing
    blurring
    and I don’t recognize

    your face in the crowd anymore

     

    Being a human is such a fragile thing
    ephemeral
    vulnerable
    and yet so beautiful
    that it makes you feel miserable
    when you’re falling apart 

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    Entering my interior is not an avocation, it’s a necessity 

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    Lying here lonely
    makes me remember what I almost forgot
    makes me feel the fear again
    makes me stay alive
    makes me


    The gate was open when I arrived
    the eyes were watching me
    my skin was pulsing
    hair dropped on the floor
    purity faded in smelly rugs
    it was the first time when to be barefoot
    didn’t feel free

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    I saw fear
    I saw life breathing heavily
    I saw musketeers giving up their swords
    I saw the Lady in Black coming towards…

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    I tried to find you
    but suddenly we were all looking the same
    there was no difference between woman and man
    no difference between dead and alive
    and we fought anyway
    for all the memories we had in our hearts

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    The situation takes only a few seconds:
    the little human with golden hair

    running towards me
    hugging me 
    my languid body awakens
    skin is warm, veins are energized
    I want to kiss him, protect him, do everything
    but he runs away so fast
    I couldn’t even touch his golden hair 

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    How many words do you have left
    any? none?
    words - the strongest weapon
    are becoming weaker than our bodies
    weaker than our portion of meal
    weaker than our blue feet
    don’t let them go!
    the words are here to say the truth
    to save us
    one day

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    Every day I dream about heaven
    reaching the heights
    and disappearing in brightness
    I see you smiling on the other end
    happy and handsome
    and I always descend back down
    calm and fulfilled
    with more rolls of film to process
    with more images to print 
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    Everything about you -
    your clean uniform
    smelly breath
    heinous laugh
    invoked in me
    the very bottom of hell
    broke every cell
    in my fragile body
    your presence made me forget
    that I’m still alive

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    Thousands of us
    champions in life
    were holding hands together
    to fell the warm pulsing of each other
    that was our meditation
    our quiet mantra
    our peace 

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    I’m holding the tear between my fingers
    fresh and clear like early mornings
    I’m learning to take it all
    diving into my pain gives me strength
    to become the real me
    gives me strength
    simply to be

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    I know there is so much passion left in me
    a whole new world of colors and music
    one day I will be born again into the same body
    bold but kind
    coming and disappearing
    like a wave in the ocean
    like an abstract motion
    and
    your eyes will question
    your hands will answer
    my restless moaning

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